Sometimes the heaviness here makes it hard to breathe. When my lungs are burning for breath I close my eyes & think about the wedding feast. The long table, laid with fine linens & fruits of glorious labor— beloved faces of those I have wept with, rejoiced with, & grieved— all shining like the glassen sea’s surface in summer. I hear the wind blowing fragrance through the trees in the orchard. Joy overwhelms me & I know he’s coming. I lift my eyes to meet his own & when he smiles, I feel it to the soles of my bare feet where they plant themselves in warm grass, like a tree who knows where she’s growing. He laughs easy as breathing & like the sudden break of dawn over mountaintops I breathe in the reality that this sound could fill every crack, every lack every longing of my whole life. I open my eyes, shining with unshed tears & my heart breaks to find myself here again. But the burdens feel lighter with his laughter to buoy me.