My life has not been marked by the kind of faith that could move mountains; it is the feeble faith of someone trying to trust, but unsure as to how much they really can. Perhaps you feel the same. I have been holding on to things; dreams that are not bad in and of themselves, but which become negative when they cause me to doubt my trust in the Lord’s will and in His good purposes for all things. So once again, I’m starting anew. I’m submitting daily my desires to Him; knowing that He sees them, knowing that He cares, trusting Him to take care of me wherever the path leads.
I think that the danger of living a life that seems fairly “stable” or “content”. Not that we shouldn’t be happy with where we are in life; we should! God has already blessed us so infinitely! But the danger is that we start depending on ourselves and on other people for the little things, since they seem so small and manageable. And then when those little things keep coming back to haunt us and repeatedly attack our hearts, the people in our lives don’t know what more they can do for us–then frustration grows and tensions rise and we sin against each other because we are trying to get things that the other person never had to give.
When the little things become big things we don’t understand why that close person can’t help us as they once did. The solution: we need to not forget that we STILL need Jesus every day. We still need His grace in our lives to show us how we will overcome the challenges that we face. Nothing is too small for Him; every care and concern that weighs down your mind is important to Him. Not because He too sees it as a matter of life and death as we so often exaggerate our trials to be; but because He cares about our hearts. I’m relearning that this week. I invite you to relearn with me.
It seems obvious, trust the Lord in everything; but I think the obvious is where I soften neglect to take care of myself and my relationship with the Lord, and it is also the most shameful because I am riddled with guilty “should’s” and “shouldn’t”s of where I think I ought to be in my walk “by now.” It causes me to neglect that piece of the relationship even further instead of getting real with myself and admitting— I am not trusting the Lord right now—even though I know He has brought me through much darker days in the past, and that He will undoubtably bring me through again. But once we admit it, the spirit of humility and the acceptance of His love will bring us through to the next place; and we can begin again.
I heard something encouraging this weekend as I went to a prayer class with my Dad for Father’s day. The teacher said that the reason it seems like we are always going back over and over again and struggling with the same things is because we are spiraling upwards; “Further Up and Further In!”(C.S. Lewis’ The Last Battle) We are NOT in the same place we were before; we are not the same people we were before. God has been doing a great work in us, and we are not powerful enough to undo it with one stint of lack of trust. He is working towards even greater goals for us, and we will have to revisit these struggles again and again until they are completely underfoot; but His spirit will always be with us all the way up until the day we get to see Him face to face. He will not abandon the work He has begun in us; and if that isn’t enough to make you stand up straight despite any and all failures, I don’t know what is. Don’t be afraid to relearn something this week. It’s humbling. It’s good for the soul. And if you haven’t been reading my blog: I do it a lot. 🙂