“To be together is for us to be at once as free as in solitude, as gay as in company.”( Jane Eyre, Brontë)
This past week in my Speech class I gave a speech about how I came to be Grace Kelley and began with this quote. With name changes finally being finished, and my six month anniversary approaching, I thought it would be pertinent to write a note on Marriage.
When I first read this quote I was in high school, single, reading the novel Jane Eyre as an independent study for my sophomore English class. When I read these words I realized that they contained all that I wanted most out of life: the freedom to be with someone who is so close to you that you behave as you might in solitude, but the feeling of being as joyful as if you were surrounded by your dearest and merriest friends.
The second time I read this quote I was sitting on the beach in Cavalair France, the first summer that Willy and I were together. That night I called him from the pay phone down the street from where we were staying and said, “This is us!” I had found that something that I was looking for. And now, we have been together a total of nearly three years, we have been married for six months, and I know that what Charlotte Brontë was talking about was Oneness.
” I hold myself supremely blessed—blessed beyond what language can express; because I am my husband’s life as fully as he is mine. No woman was ever nearer her mate than I am; ever more absolutely bone of his bone, and flesh of his flesh. I know no weariness of my Edward’s society; he knows none of mine, any more than we each do of the pulsation of the heart that beats in our separate bosoms; consequently, we are ever together.”
The funny thing about this kind of oneness is that people don’t understand it. When I tell Willy that I miss him at lunch, his friends look at me as though I have grown a third eyeball and scold me that I “see him every day”. Yes, I do see him everyday, but I LOVE to see him every day! I don’t know what I would do if I didn’t see him every day! I begin the day with him, and I end the day with him; but in the hours in between our lunchtime together I miss him, and that is beautiful; that is oneness.
I am thankful for the wonderful portrait of oneness that my parents gave to me. They both work together at Morton Insurance and Risk Management, and people think they are crazy! But my Dad misses my mom when she comes home a little earlier to pick up the kids from school, and they miss each other on those tuesdays and thursdays when she doesn’t come into the office. This is because they are ONE. Togetherness is a natural element of their oneness— but those who have not experienced oneness in their relationships do not understand.
After Willy and I got engaged, out of concern, someone indicated to us that marriage isn’t like dating; that in marriage you have to be together, and you can’t just go back to your own place and say, “okay, see ya later”. This comment was meant to deter us from our marriage plans, but I have to say, that it had the opposite effect. I have never wanted an excuse to be away from Willy. I still haven’t needed one, and I hope that if I ever do need/want an excuse to be away from him, that those occasions will be very few and very far between. It was that closeness, that shared space, all that time together that I was craving so desperately! I wanted that oneness.
I am so grateful for past sisters in Christ like Charlotte Brontë who painted such a beautiful picture with words about what a beautiful marriage looks like. I am also grateful for parents that showed me the way a healthy marriage should look. They are rare to find in a country where the divorce rate is 50% among Christians and non-christians alike. My parents still flirt, and I think that that is one of the best things that they have done to set me up for a healthy and happy marriage. And I am thankful to God, that He saw that it was not good for man to be alone, and that He made the perfect helpmate for Adam from his own bone and flesh.