A Note on Marriage

“To be together is for us to be at once as free as in solitude, as gay as in company.”( Jane Eyre, Brontë)

This past week in my Speech class I gave a speech about how I came to be Grace Kelley and began with this quote.  With name changes finally being finished, and my six month anniversary approaching, I thought it would be pertinent to write a note on Marriage.

When I first read this quote I was in high school, single, reading the novel Jane Eyre as an independent study for my sophomore English class.  When I read these words I realized that they contained all that I wanted most out of life: the freedom to be with someone who is so close to you that you behave as you might in solitude, but the feeling of being as joyful as if you were surrounded by your dearest and merriest friends.

The second time I read this quote I was sitting on the beach in Cavalair France, the first summer that Willy and I were together.  That night I called him from the pay phone down the street from where we were staying and said, “This is us!”  I had found that something that I was looking for.  And now, we have been together a total of nearly three years, we have been married for six months, and I know that what Charlotte Brontë was talking about was Oneness.

” I hold myself supremely blessed—blessed beyond what language can express; because I am my husband’s life as fully as he is mine.  No woman was ever nearer her mate than I am; ever more absolutely bone of his bone, and flesh of his flesh.  I know no weariness of my Edward’s society; he knows none of mine, any more than we each do of the pulsation of the heart that beats in our separate bosoms; consequently, we are ever together.”

The funny thing about this kind of oneness is that people don’t understand it.  When I tell Willy that I miss him at lunch, his friends look at me as though I have grown a third eyeball and scold me that I “see him every day”.  Yes, I do see him everyday, but I LOVE to see him every day!  I don’t know what I would do if I didn’t see him every day!  I begin the day with him, and I end the day with him; but in the hours in between our lunchtime together I miss him, and that is beautiful; that is oneness.

I am thankful for the wonderful portrait of oneness that my parents gave to me.  They both work together at Morton Insurance and Risk Management, and people think they are crazy! But my Dad misses my mom when she comes home a little earlier to pick up the kids from school, and they miss each other on those tuesdays and thursdays when she doesn’t come into the office.  This is because they are ONE.  Togetherness is a natural element of their oneness— but those who have not experienced oneness in their relationships do not understand.

After Willy and I got engaged, out of concern, someone indicated to us that marriage isn’t like dating; that in marriage you have to be together, and you can’t just go back to your own place and say, “okay, see ya later”.  This comment was meant to deter us from our marriage plans, but I have to say, that it had the opposite effect.  I have never wanted an excuse to be away from Willy.  I still haven’t needed one, and I hope that if I ever do need/want an excuse to be away from him, that those occasions will be very few and very far between.  It was that closeness, that shared space, all that time together that I was craving so desperately!  I wanted that oneness.

I am so grateful for past sisters in Christ like Charlotte Brontë who painted such a beautiful picture with words about what a beautiful marriage looks like. I am also grateful for parents that showed me the way a healthy marriage should look.  They are rare to find in a country where the divorce rate is 50% among Christians and non-christians alike.  My parents still flirt, and I think that that is one of the best things that they have done to set me up for a healthy and happy marriage.  And I am thankful to God, that He saw that it was not good for man to be alone, and that He made the perfect helpmate for Adam from his own bone and flesh.

5 thoughts on “A Note on Marriage

  1. gabiruth

    I love this SO much! I love that you and Willy sound so much like Benj and me, because that means you are as happy and in Love as we are. I tell him about 5 times a day that I miss him! 🙂 I love you, Gracie, thanks for sharing!

  2. Catherine

    When you were about 8 weeks old… wait I should probably go back and start this comment with once upon a time ago… ha ha! But anyway, when you were about 8 weeks old, there was a car wash that the youth group had as a fund raiser. Your mom came with you for a few hours. She left earlier with you and your dad was staying to finish cleaning up. As she was driving away, she stopped to say goodbye to your dad. I remember, so vividly, the way they looked at each other. It’s the same way they look at each other 20 years later. I remember thinking, in that moment, I wanted that someday. That it didn’t just start with a relationship between two people, but that it was built on the foundation of a rock solid love for God and each other. I’m so very, very thankful that I’m married to my soul mate today and that after 8 years of being together , I can still say I miss him when he’s at work or when we don’t have much time together. I feel so incredibly blessed to know oneness. Great post, Gracie! I hope that you always cherish each other and the relationship you have. And I know that by loving each other in the years to come and cultivating that “oneness” you will change lives in ways you may never know just like your parents have in their own relationship.

  3. gracielizmk

    Thank you Gabi! Yes we are very happy and very in love. 🙂 It encouraged Willy to hear that you both feel this way too. (I already knew of course. 😉 )

    Catherine, you are so right! I truly am one of the most blessed people because of my parents, and I know that God has good plans for Willy and my relationship. Already we have begun to change the way that people our age look at marriage. I just hope we can help a few lost cynics learn to believe again.

  4. Joy Morton

    Grace, I loved your blog and I am so touched to know that Daddy and I’s relationship has been a healthy example for you. I was asked a surprising question the other day by a mom at CYT when she heard that my 19 year old daughter got married this past summer. She said, “and you tried every way to try to get them to wait, right?” (She doesn’t know you at all, so don’t take it personally) and she was surprised when I answered, “Actually, no! We encouraged it, they were ready.” If we had not seen the wonderful way that you and Willy interact, how you complete each other and had not recognized the healthy God honoring relationship you had, (that reminded us so much of our own) we would not have been so supportive. But we both felt confident that God was in this, both the marriage and the timing of it. So we had no qualms and gave our blessing joyfully! We are so blessed and thank God every day for giving you and Willy to each other, for you do complete each other in every way.

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