Trust is one of those funny concepts that is hard to grasp.  There are various levels of trust.  We can trust someone to be a good navigator, but not necessarily a good cook.  We can trust someone not to kill us, but not necessarily trust that they will not hurt our feelings. We can trust people to do what we think they will do, but when they do the “unthinkable” as it were, what do we believe?

We lose trust.  We lose trust not only in that person, but also in our own ability to judge whether or not a person will treat us the way we would like/ deserve to be treated.  We raise the walls and are continually on the lookout for any suspicious activity that would suggest something bad happening again.  Maybe we watch so hard for the bad, for what we have come to expect through this loss of trust, that we see it even when it is not really there.

Then what?   How do we allow people to be the good that they are, and also accept and forgive the bad?   How can we open up to trust them when they have hurt us so badly?  Trusting them again would be the opposite of self preservation; but what other choice is there?  If we  want to live life to the fullest, we cannot stay behind that wall of fear.  It will do more harm than good.

I am writing to myself because I was once carefree and reckless with my love and with my trust, and now I have become something ugly.  I hide behind false pride to reassure myself and to keep myself safe; meanwhile destroying those around me.  I could help.  I could forgive.  I could love.  If only I could learn to trust… something greater than all the people that have hurt me.  If I could truly believe that there is a purpose for everything; not just with my head but with my heart.  And if I could just remember that God really does work out all things for the GOOD of those who love him.  Forgive the rest, because we are all fallen and we are all untrustworthy, and  let go.

4 thoughts on “Trust

  1. Jimmy Sadler

    Elegantly wrestling with the mind and heart. I have some of the same battles, coming to the conclusion a few years ago that you can’t fully trust anyone based on worthiness. I realized trust was a gift you gave to someone because you love them. The gift, like any, can be cherished or abused, but such is the risk of true love. Thanks for your candid thoughts. Your writing engages my mind and stirs my heart, and that is a beautiful thing.

  2. gracielizmk

    Thank you so much for you comment! I am glad you are enjoying it so far. You have a great point about trust being a gift. I guess I just feel like I gave it too quickly to people who abused it. And I don’t feel like giving it to them again until they earn it. But what if they never earn it? What if they don’t want to earn it? I love them, but I don’t think that they truly love me and it’s hard to keep watching my heart get smashed.

  3. Allan R. Morton, Jr.

    Good point Jimmy. Trust is a gift. I grew up thinking it more as transactional. If you do this, you earn trust. If you don’t do this, you remove trust. It is a huge risk and definitely one we all are asked to take on varying levels (repaying a loan or a marriage vow). The biggest thing I struggle with is when someone breaks that trust to then down the road giving them room to grow. People that I knew well in High School have changed. They have “grown up” in many ways. Some that had abandoned all that was good have like the Prodigal come home. That’s tough for me. Allowing people room to grow and change and not constantly thinking “You once broke my trust”. We are all in process.

  4. Alli Howald

    I really like this post. It spoke to me a lot about some of the issues I am having in my own life with learning to trust people again. Trust seems like such a huge thing to do but if we don’t, then we are only going to be held back from even bigger things. This post really helped me put all my thoughts together Grace. Thank you! 😀

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